stacie's sacred space

this baby

i don't need to say it.

you already know it, and if you don't really know it, you have heard it somewhere.

it sounds so cliche.

THEY GROW UP SO FAST!

okay, i said it.

my heart feels it deeply too.

i can't help it.

it's so so so bittersweet.

i see how beautiful it is to watch these babies grow into kids and be awesome!

i am also in love with a brand new baby who shows us what life is really about ... love, sleep, clean diapers, boobs food, and being held gently.

my favorite hobby right now is sitting still and holding jude.

i kiss him, call him baby, smile at him, make sure to soak in a few moments a day of just jude and me.

i notice that he's fussier when i'm busy and worrying about cleaning the house or writing all the thank you notes (that's a whole other post!) or doing things for everybody else here.

it's good for me to hear because i tune into sitting still, being present, and praying.

and although i feel great about my time with this baby, it's still hard that IT GOES SO FAST!

man, i'm happy i have him.

 

a couple hours old.

 

a few days old.

 

one month old.

 

about seven weeks old.

 

two months old.

 

two months old.

seven things

1. my favorite meal this week was the homemade mac n cheese i made from this recipe.

it's comfort food at it's finest!

dave and i like to add franks red hot sauce to it too.

2. someone told me today that i'm getting so fat that my shirts don't even fit anymore.

he said it sweetly though. hint: the one who will be our smack dab in the middle child said it.

and he's sort of right because these days i'm just hanging around, my belly often hangs out.

3. and these days i haven't really just been hanging around ... i'm nesting like crazy!

almost every closet, cupboard, cabinet, under sink space around this place has been cleaned out.

well, i get tired fast though, then i get cranky and irritable.

i don't want to be that way to these people i love the most.

so i decided i only have two more big jobs and a few little ones to do till i slow down.

4. when i say slow down, i mean hang with my babies for their spring break.

i have a feeling that won't be slowing down too much.

i do have to know my limits.

5. i am thankful for our lent beans.

it helps me catch the kids doing good.

i want to make that a habit forever ... i probably think that every year.

it's just so much easier for me to correct them.

6. we have a first communion dress for janie.

i think it's adorable, and she feels pretty in it!

shoes are going to be a challenge for us.

she has really narrow feet and doesn't fit into any slip on so we're gonna have to find something that straps to her, and i'm afraid they are going to be the kind of shoe she may only wear once.

i'm most excited about flowers in her hair.

well, the sacrament of receiving the eucharist is awesome too!!

she's a good girl.

7. i'm ready for spring and fresh air and flowers and warm sunshine.

but if it's gonna snow in march, i'm grateful it came at just the right time for a snow day.

i got to sleep in and go to my bedroom for an afternoon nap.

the kids had a picnic in the snow ... i think they are ready for spring too.

jeff loved having the kids home too.

pure love

right here is where i see the most simple and basic needs in life.

tiny babies need to be kept warm, held gently, fed well, and loved a whole bunch.

those are such great reminders for me when life seems crazy and full to the brim.

and even though this life will be fast again, i'm appreciating the moments that i slow down.

because i have to right now at the end of this fifth pregnancy.

i will have no other choice once i have the brand new baby in my arms for the first day, week, month, season.

for me, i want to revel in the adjustment.

breathe deeply, lean into the challenges, choose grace when i can, and be grateful.

that sounds so nice, right? but really i know there will be tears and frustration and pain and wanting my own way and letting fear creap in, and at the end of the day uttering, "thank you."

right now i've been given the gift to do this birth and growth along side my very best friend.

the one who "gets" me the best as different as we are.

i got the chance to be next to her when she had this sweet baby, reagan a couple weeks ago.

that's something i will never forget.

it's hard to put into words how thankful i am that wendy and eddie let me in on that very intimate moment of their lives.

then i got to go over to play with these girls.

i couldn't stop smiling as i snapped snippets of beauty and pure love!

here's what ten days looks like (and an amazing momma + a 12 year old proud big sis).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my babies

the sun was shining today.

i tried borrowlenses.com for the first time.

this canon 100mm gets big thumbs up from me.

it's good glass!

so of course, i had to take some shots of my four babies.

it is truly a moment frozen when i get all four of them at the same time.

i'll cherish time snapped forever.

this was a great end to a sunny, fun, busy, awesome monday.

there's so much i love about my life!

#1 at 10 years old.

 

#2 at 8 years old.

 

#3 at 6.5 years old.

 

#4 at 3.5 years old.

friday.

every friday i count down to meeting j5.

it's six weeks from today.

the kids laugh about my belly bumping into them.

johnny likes resting his chin on it when he looks up to talk to me.

they all love watching it move!

joey even got to go to this week's ultrasound and hear that baby is already over five pounds.

jeff kisses it and has conversations with "her."

i hope he's not too disappointed if he has a little bro!

i often feel like i can't get any bigger than i am now.

i will though.

here's proof:

this was about 48 hours before jeff was born.

this pic seems strange without his sweet face in there.

i love my growing family!

even if this extra long pregnancy is making all of us here at 391 a little nuts!!

confession

i don't like being pregnant.

there, i said it.

maybe that's why i haven't been around here as much.

i just don't have as much energy when i carry a baby inside of me.

it takes everything i have to "grow" this baby.

i'm also a little scared of all the unknowns.

i don't feel well in the beginning ... food aversions, nautious, scared of miscarrying, and pure exhaustion.

then i get bigger and bigger, get uncomfortable, and lose some of my physical abilities.

i'm out of breath, "normal" activity (like sitting on the floor, walking a couple miles, or even sitting on bleachers at joey's bball games) cause pain, my stomach hurts, i see stars, i can't carry as much.

i am irritable too! sigh.

i know these only last for such a small percentage of my whole life.

i love the reward that i get from this price i pay though.

i get to nourish that brand new life, and i'm reenergized!

i remember so vividly being able to breathe again within an hour of jeff being born.

i adore growing families and all the interactions that happen.

little ones become big sibs.

everyone decides they want to be swaddled.

we get to experience a miracle together.

everyone pitches in to help each other.

i get to see how big love really is.

i get new energy as i care for my babies who grow up to become children.

so from now on i'm going to be counting down!

well, that and taking care of what's most important in my life - my favorite five and our nest.

one little word

i've picked a word the past three years.

it's given me focus and discipline.

first it was pray in 2010,

then it was peace in 2011,

and finally i was in practice throughout 2012.

these one little words are becoming a beautiful collage in my life.

it's time to add on for 2013.

i finally picked from this list:

be

allow

trust

accept

forgive

listen

obey

grow

endure

this time grow is the intention i want to set for 2013.

i think i need to be purposeful about growing and watching all the growth around me.

it would be easy to sit back and sort of just "slack off" with a new baby coming into the family.

i'm tired and i'm gonna be exhausted for most of this year.

when i remind myself of this one little word ... i'll remember to

• grow in faith especially trusting God with everything i'm given,
• grow in my roles as momma, wife, daughter, friend, sister, housekeeper, etc.,
• watch this teeny tiny brand new life grow,
• keep my eyes on the four "big" kids growing bigger,
• grow my photography skills,
• be open to growth all around me.

i believe the one little words i've picked the last three years have forced me to grow in prayer, peace, and practice.

i'm glad i have this focus!

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the pix below show how good it is to be johnny and jeff.

especially on days when this momma needs some fresh air even though she's gonna freeze her fingers off!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my thing lately

"sweet is nice enough but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. bittersweet is courageious, gutsy, earthy."

- shauna niequest

i love that quote. 

when i find gems like that in a book i'm reading, i want to keep reading.

so i have been reading more than ususal.

it's a hunt for joy and a little escape from my reality.

it's the most self soothing thing i can do right now because physically i don't feel great.

i'm in the middle of this one.

i finished this one last week.

i read this one before that.

three books in a month is a lot for me.

one more little gem of joy i found:

love doesn't just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. simply put: love does. - bob goff

okay ... back to reading for me!

what's a favorite book you've read lately?

what i can't wait for

the last week in january is approaching.

there's been a lot on the calendar this month.

i want it to slow down.

yet, i heard myself tell a receptionist at a doc appointment last week that i want april fifth to be here already.

my third trimester excitement about adding this baby to our family is kicking into full gear!

i can't wait to know whether she will be a tiny dancer or he will be a lego builder or sports nut.

i can't wait to nurse him or her.

i can't wait to see dave be a brand new daddy all over again.

i can't wait to take pictures of j5.

i can't wait to watch my big kids spoil him or her with love, cuddles, and attention.

i can't wait to chill out at home bonding with my baby.

i can't wait to be reminded of the simple, basic needs of life.

i can't wait to be a party of seven!

there are so many awesome things about adding on to our family.

enduring the next ten weeks might be a challenge for me though.

so i take week long breaks from coming here.

and i work on just surviving life as i know it now.

i rest a lot.

i let things go more than usual.

i focus on my people inside these four walls.

sometimes that's all i have the energy to do.

i'm working on being okay with that!

a priority

 

wendy and i were pregnant together throughout 2006 with baby #3.

now we're pregnant together with baby #5.

we're due about eight weeks apart.

she's gonna have that baby soon though, i just know it.

so now that i got through the stuff of last week, it's on my priority list to get together with her soon so we can snag a pic like this one.

this time she gets to be bigger than me!

i can't wait to meet her little sweetheart. 

i can't wait to know whether it is a girl or a boy.

i can't wait for our walks together in the woods again ... probably wearing small babies.

i can't wait to raise these babies together!!